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Out of Left Field: This column is unwell

by Steve Keene

MlbHlSqThe late columnist Jeffrey Bernard was such a notorious boozer and self-proclaimed advocate of living the ‘Low Life’, that often in place of his column was the notice ‘Jeffrey Bernard is unwell’. I was tempted to pull a similar trick with this column, however more along the lines of ‘Steve Keene is stuck in fishnet stockings’. However, I felt, on reflection that wasn’t really in keeping with BaseballGB house style, and was not really an image that I wanted to conjure up for you, dear reader.

So, with that cleared up, and without further ado, here is a late, belated edition of Out of Left Field, filed with my sincerest apologies to those eager for their weekly dose of me trying, and quite often failing, to find the funny in the world of baseball.

Heroism corner this week is like something out of an action movie, with former major league manager Kevin Kennedy tackling a hijacker on a flight from Los Angeles to Florida. Kennedy said:

“”When I stood up, he kind of stared me down,” Kennedy said. “I was in (seat) 2c, so I was in first class, probably four feet from him.  He kind of stared me down, that’s when he said, ‘I’m gonna blow this up, you’re all going to hell with me.’ He threw water at me. Within five seconds, we charged him and took him out.”

Scary, but pretty cool, eh? Just as every flight benefits from having a doctor on board, perhaps it also needs a badass baseballer to keep order if things go awry. Any ideas on which baseball pro, past or present, you would like to back you up in a potential terrorist situation? Answers on a postcard…or…er…the comments box below. Me? I’d go for Ted Fucking Williams.

Not that I’m lazy or anything, but I thought I’d make this column all multimedia and that with a video – take a look at this play. There should be more of this in baseball. I insist.

Tweet of the week here: #Hoodie update – #Rays manager Joe Maddon now allowed to wear hoodie, MLB “re-interprets” ruling.

This is the thin end of the wedge, surely? Where will it end? Whatever happened to sartorial elegance in baseball? Or perhaps I should learn to hug a hoodie? Or try not to make up an entire paragraph with nothing but questions?

And finally, still on a style tip, the return of fashion corner! Due to immense public demand, obviously. This week, hair, and in particular, what is left of Johnny Damon’s hair, now he is sporting a Mohawk. Now, he’s had some dodgy dos in the past, but this must take the proverbial biscuit. I mean, he’s what, 36? 37? Surely he should know better by now. Which, of course, leads to the question, “How old is too old for a Mohawk haircut?” which leads to a further question, “Is a Mohawk haircut ever a good idea?” This, I think, is why the Yankees really are evil. As soon as a man like Damon escapes their rules on hair length and facial hair, he’s bound to go a little crazy. Something should be done. Some sort of style counselling, perhaps.

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