This column, whilst still relatively young and sprightly, has quickly descended into a series of odd references and in-jokes that even your loyal correspondent doesn’t really find funny. And so, in this election week, Out of Left Field, asks you, dear reader to vote for your favourite. Legions of vote counters will work around the clock tallying the votes until we have a winner. Or, more likely, a coalition will be formed. Yes, things will just stay the same with me wittering on about funky pitches, silly outfits and ACTS OF HEROISM, as normal.
But, why not play along with this hackneyed device, and choose YOUR favourite.
Vote fashion corner!
The Joe Maddon hoodie saga continues. After being told last week by MLB that hejust wasn’t smart enough wearing his old hoodie, the Tampa Bay Rays manager got a gift in the post. New England Patriots coach, Bill Belichick sent in the mail a brand new, personalised Patriots hoodie for Maddon. I like to think that as this story progresses there will soon be a union of managers across the land refusing to smarten up, a rag-bag army of coaches wandering around looking like they just got out of bed, mumbling under their breath that they’ll wear what they goddamn like and what is goddamn comfortable. As coach of BaseballGB’s finest fantasy side, the mighty Pretzel Vendors, I am making sure I am fully on-trend with a relaxed look of shorts and ill-fitting sweatshirt. I look quite a treat. So, fashion tip of the week for all you aspiring coaches and managers out there – keep it casual guys!
We must stop this kind of horrible wastage from happening ever again. I have no idea why there were smiling faces after that incident. No idea whatsoever.
Vote Ozzie Guillen!
A massive sigh of relief from me this week, when I discovered that the new MLB Twitter policy, or “strongly worded suggestion”, that MLB personnel do not tweet about non-baseball related matters, does not apply to White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen. This is the kind of leadership we need to see from MLB. I don’t want to hear what some schmuck had for breakfast, but I do want a full and complete account of Ozzie’s life. Stephen Fry has got nothing on our Ozzie.
Vote stupid merchandise!
MLB have truly excelled themselves this week, by signing a deal with the Craftsman brand, a division of Sears, for MLB branded tools. Yes, soon you’ll be able to pick up hand tools, power tools, tool storage and lawn and garden tools and equipment, all branded with your favourite team. Or if your job is shifting manure all day, perhaps you could get a shovel branded with your least favourite team. Which brings me to…
Vote least favourite team!
But who is the most hated team in baseball? The Evil Empire, surely? No, it’s none other than the Cleveland Indians, according to a survey conducted by Nielsen Co. I find it hard to believe there is that much passion surrounding the Indians. Sometimes I forget they even exist. I think Nielson need to look at those figures again. But if Sears reports a run on Cleveland Indians Shit Shovels, we’ll know why…
Vote bizarre stats!
BaseballGB favourite, Wezen-Ball, is timing each and every home run trot around the bases. I have no idea why he is doing this, I can’t see the point, but I have to say that I think it is wonderful. It’s certainly much more fun that some of the esoteric brain-busting stats being collated out there. I hope it catches on and the players get competitive about who can be the fastest and who can be the slowest. I’d like that.
Vote Carlos Silva!
Vote ACTS OF HEROISM!
This week, nodody in baseball has averted a terrorist attack, manhandled a mugger or saved 500 orphans from a burning building. Frankly, baseball has been lazy and needs to take a long hard look at itself.
Andy Pettitte used to throw a knuckeball. They even called him ‘Knucksie’. Then his coaches told him to lay off the pitch. How can the Yankees not be the most hated in team in baseball when they have deprived us of another knuckleballer? Life isn’t fair.
Well, there you have it. Your candidates for this week’s Out of Left Field election. Your vote matters!